Slave eklipsen

I got a big assignment this weekend, one I could not solve in a day. There were many components, and some items I did not have on my list of toys - but nothing rare that I could not easy acquire ones Sunday turned to Monday. The hard part was that the assignment made me push my limits a bit, and made me do something, I hade never done before - and something, I had not thought, I would do - but again not something I had listed as a hard limit. I realized that this turned me on, so the 5 times I had to edge went unexpectedly quickly - and I felt super again - that is until the hot drips of candle wax hit my chest and replaced my hornyness with a burning pain.

I feel good, I feel relaxed and really nice. I was given a task tonight that matched my own kinks, what a privilege, and I feel totally zen. It is not often this happens in here, a Goddess have a strong will and her own desires and I have often been doing tasks that gave me no other satisfaction than to please my Goddess. Tonight I felt the pleasure of a ruined orgasm - I hope Goddess will enjoy it too.

Have you ever tried to write with a pen in your ass? I tried that today - I tried it a lot - 20 times or so, as it was not easy to get just name written. Well Goddess generously did approve my writing, so kind of her - it was not my best work….

Slave learnings, 2nd Goddess, 3rd week. I have been nervous all day - Goddess has made me suffer all weak, and once she didn’t approve my assignment, though I had done the best I thought I could in the circumstances. Sometimes a resource is scarce, like ice, and ones used, it will take time to get more - and I believe that no Goddess like to wait. In such a situation you as a slave have a choice, if you have made an almost perfect video, but also only almost as instructed - either the slave can wait for the ice to freeze again or you can send the almost perfect video and hope for the best. I had such a decision this morning, and chose to send a video, that perhaps had a minor imperfection. I feared sending it, as I love to please, and feel really bad when I feel I fail - pain gives me no pleasure in it self, the only thing in it for me is if I can feel, that my suffering was enjoyed by Goddess, but if she enjoys it, I enjoy to suffer for her, for her reaction. Sometimes all you get as a slave is an approval, but today she not only approved the video, she also wrote that she enjoyed seeing me suffer - she warmed my heart and made my day

A day of first. Goddess Rose started slow on me, but today she cranked it up - It was a busy day, a day of first and a very good day. I’m 48. I once had medical camera up my ass as part of a cancer treatment, but except for that, I have never had any thing up my ass until today. I had twelve ice cubes up my ass today, it was actually not noticeable cold, it was more of a bloody and painful experience. My sphincter would not let the ice cubes in easily, so it was profound unpleasant experience getting the cubes past the sphincter, it also drew some blood, though that pain was minimal. My second task was more of a sharp pain, as I was to close hard covered book over my testicles 5 times, 4 times out of 5 it was sharp but quick pain, the last time the pain was a sharp and profound pain that caused sickly feelings for up to a minute. The last experience was true pleasure though in an extremely hard position for my stiff and inflexible 48 year old body, I was allowed to cum, with shoulders on the ground, my ass raised up agains the wall, and my cock pointing towards my mouth - it was a struggle to get in position, but once there I quickly released to the thought of the boots of Goddess Rose. No salty taste could limited the privileged feeling of gratitude and joy - thank you Goddess Rose - to cum to the thought of your boots was a fantastic feeling.

Nev Goddess, New start. I got my first assignment from Goddess Rose today, I’m so happy I got it, I hope she will be happy with how I completed it. It has been a big relief for me to get it, my last Goddess had me completing tasks for her in no time - Goddess Rose have taken time to get to know me a little and we have struggled with time differences and my lack of availability. I don’t think I have handled it well, I have been too confused and too emotional about the difficult start, I should have been more patient and positive. Thank god, that Goddess was more cool and collected. I am grateful.

A feet guy huh - was what Goddess DommyBitch labeled me, after I had been begging her for a picture of her feet for weeks. I am a feet guy, I guess - I really likes to worship feet. I understand that I as a slave have no idea about what it takes to be a Goddess, that heels may be uncomfortable and foot beauty may require effort or beauty Spa’s that may be far apart - but this slave really loves feet. So Goddess DommyBitch allowed this slave to leave, and now it may worship Goddess Rose’s most wonderful feet - I think she wears the highest heels with the highest arches - happy, happy, happy slave.

Punishment if you fail - those were the words after the task description in my present assignment. A very difficult assignment, I might add - I doubt it can solved with traditional thinking and my physique - but like in the tv show “task master”, bending the rules or alternative reading and can make almost anything possible. The question for this slave was then, should it bend the rules a little to seemingly solve the task as requested - or would I please Goddess more, by giving it a go,  be true to the task and fail so she may punish me for inadequacies. I went for the last solution today, wonder what punishment awaits me…

A full day of silence. I did not hear from Goddess today. She is on a different clock and is mostly online while I’m asleep - so it could just be that we missed each others, and she just went to bed a bit like normal people and didn’t stay up all night. I hope she had a good day - and went to sleep when she felt like it. My day was the most vanilla since I joined - I mostly just watched my national football team take the first win in nations league. It was the first match with a new coach and a new team - a new beginning and a really good match.

I was just a cow - should I have been a cash-cow? I disappointed Goddess and was punished this morning. Only fair, I guess - I managed to cum 7 times in 48 hours - I think it should have been the double, and a young stud could likely do 4 times as good as me. To let Goddess see every time, I had gift her 8 times, and one of them failed to load, so I had to gift again - another was in so poor quality that I doubled the fee - hence 9$ for 7 times - four times that would have been 36$ and made a young stud a happy cash -cow. I’m just a cow, sorry Goddess.

A soft assignment getting hard, or a hard assignment going soft. Yesterday morning Goddess gave me a new assignment - an assignment on time, assignment of 48 hours. I had to cum as much as possible in the next 48 hours, and she wanted to see it every time. Easy I thought, fantastic I thought have not had an orgasm for days, the first one was easy and fantastic. Reality hit when I tried to get number two, I am a sexually insecure and nervous soul, and when under pressure my dick go soft. It is the reason why my sex life is almost nonexistent, why my girl friend and I very rarely have sex, and why when we do it is always be going down on her. I have disappointed so many girls in my vanilla life, and it has caused so many breakups, as few women can live with a limp dick. It is a psychological and not physical and so far unsolvable for me. Yesterday was a busy day full of meetings, and that increased the psychological pressure on me, so the results for the first 24 hours was 3 ejaculations and many more failures, with accompanying guilt. The ejaculations are good - the failures bad, overall still happy :-)

Pavlov’s dogs and toothpaste. The Russian psychologist Ivan Pavlov provoked his dogs to a conditioned response to a neutral stimulus, when feeding his dogs to a metronome - so when ever the metronome was one the dog’s mouth would water. I had expected some sort of classical conditioning- but I had expected it to shoes or feet, but Goddess have made me play so much with toothpaste, that I get a little hard on every time I brush my teeth. Not exactly what I had hoped for - but still a new experience :-)

Goddess said yes to play with me yesterday after my last blog update. What a thrill - I’m a happy, happy, happy slave :-) <3. But what about Goddess? I know she likes to play with me…but I wonder why…and let’s just start by bypassing the financials, they are part of it, but you can earn money in so many ways - and this blog post is not about the money. I have come up with three theories for why a Goddess keeps slaves - 1. It makes her juices flow :-). Slaves get turned on by their Mistress and hope their Mistress get turned on by them - I do however fear that juices far from always flows from Goddess’s. 2. We make them smile - and entertain like cat videos on the internet.  3 and perhaps most likely they get joy from been greeted like a pet, or a small child and feel the platonic love, for those who love them unconditionally 

Slave hardship is the heading of my thoughts this morning. As a slave you should serve when your Goddess wants you to serve - that can sometimes be hard enough in itself. This morning I do however feel that the hardest part is when Goddess, do not require you to serve. I on occasion call Goddess, Archgoddess as she is top 3 in the rankings. So she has her 12 pink plate slaves, owned in full, at least a couple of white plate slaves, that are displayed as owned and only Goddess knows how many she plays with like me. That is all fine, as it should be - her stable should hold all she could desire. However, even though I believe she has a huge heart and a place for all her slaves in it, it is a lot slaves, with a lot of hopes for pet on the shoulder, a task, a purpose - and a good boy. I imagine her inbox in full to the brink whenever she is in here, and I have noticed that when online, she seems to need hours to get through to me. I imagine that her top slaves, or her young hunk’s take priority - which again is all fine, it is just hard to predict when to be available, when the time is there when her whims could be catered by me. I did not find such timing yesterday, and I have missed her, and has an ever present tiny fear, that what I have been able to give, have not been enough…

Mind map of this slave: Got an assignment: “You’re going to make a striptease for Goddess. From all dressed to all naked. I want a good song!” Slave thoughts: Hard - Fear of failure- exited. What to do? A good song? First thought - La Bomba, but that is a wrong thought if slave was master and Goddess  was - no no no. No such thoughts allowed. Must be a good song for Goddess- Hard - have not talked music with Goddess- ok got to think- most people develop their taste for music while in their teens - Goddess is 35, and so bright, she likely developed early- hence Music of 2001 and 2002 perhaps? First thought Britney, Slave for you - Is that a good call? Goddess might be more of an Avril Lavigne type - perhaps Skaterboy? - ohh I think it was in these years I studied in Barcelona - from Otto Zuts to the Baja Beach Club it was all Shakira - difficult choice…we’ll have to work, must decide tonight…

Sleep and submission will be the topic for this diary entry. I started this journey - this trial with a roller coaster of emotions and heavy heart beats fuel by thrill, fear and excitement. In one way fantastic feelings and just what I was looking for - on the other hand something that resulted in sleep deprivation. I came out of the weekend happy and exited, but also spend and lacking sleep. Monday and Tuesday nights I also could not sleep and kept waiting hoping my Goddess would be there for hours, and then when she was there it was wonderful - and when the alarm sounded and it was time for a new workday, I had hardly slept. Wednesday at work was tough - god was I tired. I went early and exhausted to bed, to with many hours on the clock before the alarm would ring - but woke up during the night as men my age do and found Goddess online. I had a lovely time in the middle of the night - then a few hours sleep and today I was like a new person - so now I will try again. It is 9 a clock, I say god night and pray that I will wake up exactly when Goddess, will feel like seeing me. Sleep tight everyone 

This really should have been a cum log entry - but I failed :( Goddess had given me the task to cum by touching myself as if my dick was my clitty. Nice assignment I thought - I get to touch myself, I get to cum with only a minor restriction - I thought this is going to be nice. Boy was I wrong, I’m not of the superior sex, and my dick did not like to be treated as woman - after many and hard tries, I had to report failure to my goddess, soft clit in hand…

The weekend was a thrilling adventure - never before have I filmed myself so much - never before have filmed myself so naked and in such compromising situations and positions. Though all without breaking anonymity - which is hard limit for me. Truly exiting - and fun. Today was a work day - and with another humiliating assignment awaiting me, which I couldn’t check off before just before bed time. Wonder if my Goddess get the same kick out of it. She has been kind though - and allowed me some freedom over my orgasms - I thought about rubbing the boner out I got during tonight’s session - but decided I better not. I will just edge my self a bit to her pictures and go to bed :-)

I signed up two days ago… the first day was completely uneventful, i browsed a bit and that was all. Yesterday I locked in again - and I got a hi and hey - and later a Hello.  3 words, two Goddesses and a Queen. I started chatting with two, one asked me to worship her, which I did - another wanted me to buy a trial - I thought long and hard about it for an hour - and then I bought the trial. I live my physical girl friend, so I could no do much yesterday, when she was home - so, I have so far only done a bit of instructed edging. Not much in activity - but quit a bit in emotions and lost sleep. Let’s see where it brings me…